i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
