im drinking this country out of the recession.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
