Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
