i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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