My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
