Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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