i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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