farters have to be the big spoon...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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