The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
