Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
