I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
