So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
