haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
