does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
