so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
