So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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