I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
