Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
