Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
