put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
