He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
