I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
