guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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