drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
