I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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