Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
