Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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