I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
