I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
