The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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