well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
