I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
