No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
