Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
