i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
