Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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