Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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