i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
