Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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