You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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