You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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