You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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