in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
