The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
