you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
