Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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