i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this boner is exhausting
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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