I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
