If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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