12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
