At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did I show you my penis last night?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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