Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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