You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
